J’raxis·Com
J’raxis·Com
These are the attribution lines J’raxis would use on his Usenet posts, back when he went to Usenet. They were supposed to be mildly amusing, or at least better than the plain old “In article message-id, user wrote:” attribution line. Each item below was used in place of the “In article” portion of the standard line.
...But then
...And then
...And yet
...Or then,
...Or yet,
...And now
...Continuing this thread still,
[In response to the Arrugala thread which lasted some 1,000 posts]
...Or even better,
...And before
...And after
...And after that,
...And even after,
...And even before,
...And like,
...And how,
...And eurkh,
...And phlorkhhh,
...And pleurkh,
...And then,
...And gaaakkh!! ...
...And eurkh! ...
...And splat! ...
...And akh! ...
...And whenever,
...And spluurgh!! ...
...And unknowingly,
...And because
...And I think that
...And, claiming he is not an idiot mag,
[In response to Oliver1’s <oliver1@ici.am.an.idiot.mag.net> address]
...And for no reason,
...And for little to no reason,
...And for no reason whatsoever,
...And then for no reason at all, at least none I can determine,
...And, claiming he can talk to the animals,
[In response to Oliver1’s <oliver1@ici.can.talk.to.the.animals.net> address]
...And, now that I returned from oblivion which I enjoyed thoroughly for three internet-less and stupidity-less days, I come back to see that
...And, for the sole purpose of annoying the masses of alt.stupidity and related newsgroups,
...And yet again I disappear into the real world for an entire two days, only to come back and find that
...And, for reasons undetermined,
...And, why...? No one knows, but
...And then, yet for, not today, but why not however insofar as not,
...And happy freakin' holidays! I say, because
...And claiming that iCi killed Santa Claus,
[In response to Oliver1’s <oliver1@ici.killed.santa.claus.net> address]
...And for no reason at all, for absolutely no reason at all,
...And and for yet not, but however, and therfore not wherewithal somewhat or not, yet but how why who with thereof, where why when how howsoever, whosoever, whence, notwithstanding, and
...And "eurkh, eurkh, eurkh...!" What? I said, "eurkh!!!" What...?! Nevermind, and then
...And, "Happy freakin' New Year!!" I say, when
[This is the point that J’raxis actually started recording these for posterity. All the ones listed before this were dug up out of the DejaNews archives, so some may have been missed.]
...And eurkh off and die, all ye who read this, because I replied to a post in which
...And, and, and,
...And for some reason (or possibly another),
...And I'm back after about an hour or so to see that, in my brief absence,
...And eurkher! ...
...And for some reason however insofaras not here,
...And why the hell I came here considering it's almost 2 AM I do not know, but anyway,
...And this news server sucks again, but I still got it to work long enough to see that
...And I'm baaaaack! ...And
...And if you post it, I will come. I say this because
...And I thnik, therefore I am, while
...And only this, and nothing more, because
...And I look in this newsgroup to see that it is filled with stupidity like this one, in which
...But this is NOT only a test, when
...And blecch! ...
...And I got myself some new signatures, maybe even THIS post has one included in it... but anyway,
...And why not, for
...And, "eurkh, eurkh, eurkh!" It's all happening again, what the hell is this, where am I, is this really UseNet? Why, it looks like it seems that
...And look at this, in which
...But I just went online to check my email, and suddenly I ended up in UseNet! Anyway,
...And look what just got written to UseNet, in which
...Only this, and nothing more, for
...And to think, that
...But what the point of this article is is still unknown to me, but anyway,
...And I see I knwo what yuor thnikking, when
[In response to an Oliver1 address]
...And, eurkhingly,
...And we finally have discovered who killed Gumby... but is it Oliver1 who SAW that he killed Gumby, or is it iCi who killed Gumby? But whatever, now
[In response to Oliver1’s double-meaning <oliver1@ici.killed.gumby.net> address.]
...And, pleurkhingly,
...And, with much pluerkhing and gleurkhing,
...And, somewhere, somehow, someway,
...And how I cam to this place, I cannot say, but now that I'm here, well, let's just read what
...And because I haven't been here in over 24 hours, I see that
...And "Akh! Ork! Ere-ereh! Eurkh!!" because
...And, read this piece of UseNet !@?%^&?!, in which
...And, in a message written for the sole purpose of pissing off 58-72% of UseNet, including all AOLers, nine out of ten WebTVers and one tenth of the UseNet Cabal (but there is no UseNet Cabal),
...And, continuing our war against the flamer-wannabe known as Blow(-it-out-your-ass-)ell, blowell@ici.net (spambots, have fun!);
[In response to Brent Lowell’s <blowell@ici.net> inept attempts at flaming.]
...And, trying to piss off even more people than in yesterday's post(s),
...And, if this means anything, I sure as hell can't tell. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, it's the following Use(less)Net post in which
...And, if you post it, I will come;
...But I haven't a clue what I should use for this attribution line today, whereas
...And; but no, I meant "but." ...But anyway,
...And, without further ado (is that really a word?),
...And, look what I found, where
...But I see that this is only a post where
...But I don't just come here to "polute" this newsgroup (as I was so eloquently flamed via email); I come here to reply to posts like this one, in which
...And I must be insane to reply to this kind of post, but anyway,
...And, or, not, enough with the damned Booleans, anyway,
...And, what? Well,
...And, what? Well, I'm back again, I've been here off and on all today and yesterday because I got nothing better to do... well,
...And he meant what he said, when
...But this makes no sense, I thought I just replied to this post, I know I've seen it before... What the hell is going on, is this dj vu or am I stuck in a temporal causality loop or am I just insane...? Well, whatever, now let's just read what
...And I see that I'm not going to get anyone caught in my net today, especially when
...And, oops, I forgot to write a new attribution line. Anyway,
...And, it looks like it really is true that
...And if this meant anything, I can't tell, but anyway,
...But because I have nothing better to do today, I've come back to UseNet to see what
...And, it is certainly possible that
...And look what transpired while I was away in the "real" world for a day:
...Or there's this, where
...And God said, "Let there be in Usenet cascades, and flames, and lamers, and meowers, and eurkhers like J'raxis." So, God created in Usenet cascades, and flames, and lamers, and meowers, and eurkhers like J'raxis. And God saw that it was good. And then
...And, after being completely detached from the Internet for a day (I didn't even check my emila this time), I come back to find about 20 spams in my mailbox, and this thing, which
...And, after being completely detached from the Internet for a day (I didn't even check my email this time [DAMN! I just realized that for the past fifty posts I made, I spelled "email" as "emila"!!!]), I come back to find about 20 spams in my mailbox, and this thing, which
[Used later that same day.]
...And, here is what
...And, if this is the best UseNet can offer...
...And, I'm only here for a little while and I see that
...And, after seeing that Oliver1 has been really busy in alt.stupidity since the last time I was here, I also see that
...And, in the wake of Oliver1's alt.stupidity posting spree,
...And yes, this is me, J'raxis 270145, replying to this post, but using a different identity for the day to see how many killfiles I can escape. Anyway,
...And now, after calling myself "Ex Machina J'raxii" for a day to see how many killfiles I could escape, I'm back as myself reading
...And, somehow, somewhere, sometime, for some reason, someone named
...And, I think that I see that it might be possible that it might be true, it just might be true, that it really happened such that
...Or there's this you can read, where
...And, this, or that, or this over here, or maybe that over there, or even this one, or that one, or the fourteenth one behind the seventh one over there, and then
...Or not, I say, when
...And, um... well, and then there's... no, wait... lemme think here. All right, all right -- here we go. "And, well, and...." well, and, um... er... and, oh, crap... let's try this again. Try it again, all right, here we go; here we go. Okay.... "And, here there is and well, and..." no, that's not right... and... lemme think about this... what am I... um... and here is the... and here... and... um, what...? No, that's not it... it goes like this... um, ah, er.... "And here it is, in which..." ah, "in which..." um, here we go now. "...And here it is in which
...And, to whomever thought I had left this newsgroup, I have returned, as I always do, and always will, to see that
...And, I think that it seems that I may be right that it may be true that it should have been written that I see now that
...And, while I was gone (yes, I was gone a few days again),
...But this can't be right, it looks like
...And, look at this stupid post, in which
...And after yet again taking another unscheduled non-stupiditarian vacational almost-a-week-long period (a.k.a. I wasn't here),
...And, showing how alt.stupidity is getting even stupider,
...And, after much more eurkhing and pleurkhing, and even a little gleurkhing,
...And, unless I'm having another hallucinatory psychotic episode,
...And eurkhity pleurkhity gleurkh,
...But I didn't eurkh up this time, because
...And, woo-hoo! I took another unscheduled vacation... I did what...? That's right, I wasn't here, so.... and this looks like... oh, crap. Several days... I was gone!?!?!? How long...!? Several days, eurkh, eurkh, somebody eurkhin' stop this.... Okay.. whatever... And, after another unscheduled vacation, actually during, but I see it now.... anyway..!! Yeah,
...And, eeeeuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrkkkkhhhh!!!! Why...!? Because...
...And, it's a damned miracle that this post even made it to the iCi server, in which
...And, ooorrrpppfffhhh!! because
...And, for some eurkhish reason,
...And, I'm gonna go eurkh now, and then I might pleurkh a bit, but first I'm gonna read what
...And, here I am again, stupidly replying to these stupidly written stupid posts stupidly full of stupid stupidity. Ah, whatever,
...But I only now realize that after I said something completely stupid,
...And then my head nearly exploded into 270,145 individual pieces when I read what
...And, in an article that probably should have never existed,
...But now, in a downright eurkhishly pleurkhish manner,
...But for now, only for now, and if only now
...And, but maybe, if only, why, why not, why I oughtta...
...And then it seems that it may be true that it possibly happened that it might possibly be possible that
...And, again I am here, to see what
[Used for only one post, because iCi’s server fucked up after I made a single post.]
...But now we all must stop being stupid so we can read what
...But if only I was here a few days ago (unfortunately, I was over there, not here), I would've seen what
...And, supposedly, possibly, maybe, it might've happened or it might not have, and then
...But whereas I'm determined to make this "It is an outbreak, we think" as infamous as the legendary "Arrugala!" cascade,
...And, I'm still replying to posts in the "It is an outbreak, we think" thread, but whatever;
...And, in a seemingly eurkhish way, not pleurkhing at all, but schpleurkhing slightly, just slightly, only a little bit,
But I this time I was sure I wasn't going to return (or not), but eventually I was sucked back in, only to read what
...And, quite idiotically,
...Or, quite stupider,
...And, in an attempt to overload news servers worldwide with useless, meanlingless, pointless bandwidth-wasting nonsense,
...And, I almost missed this too, where
...And, here I am again, pulled back into the cascade, reading what
...And yippee kay oh kay ay, you cascadin' eurkhers, because
...But I'm gonna flood every news server with these cascades now, ever since
...And yes, I know, I haven't been here in many days, but that's because iCi's crappy sucky stupid moronic useless crappy piece-of-junk news server crashed yet again. Ah, you don't care, you only care about my reply to what
...And, I've spent so much time cascading alt.stupidity that I didn't see all these posts that I almost nearly missed..!! Here's a perfect example, in which
...But I'm back again, stupidly, replying to what
...And, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? ...
...And, these posts will most likely disappear after iCi attempts another upgrade of the news server tonight, but what the hell...
...And, I am still wondering what that newsserver upgrade was, but anyway, it's working now and I'm just gonna shut up and read that which
...And, I think I might be lost yet again, but what the hell...
...And, in yet another dazzlingly stupid post,
...But in yet another (yes, another) one of iCi's fine pseudo-upgrades to the newsserver, all the posts mysteriously disappeared... except the one where
...But now, in a downright eurkhishly pleurkhish manner,
...But for now, only for now, and if only now
...And, but maybe, if only, why, why not, why I oughtta...
...And then it seems that it may be true that it possibly happened that it might possibly be possible that
...And, again I am here, to see what
[Used for only one post, because iCi’s server fuckeded up after I made a single post.]
...But now we all must stop being stupid so we can read what
...But if only I was here a few days ago (unfortunately, I was over there, not here), I would've seen what
...And, supposedly, possibly, maybe, it might've happened or it might not have, and then
...But whereas I'm determined to make this "It is an outbreak, we think" as infamous as the legendary "Arrugala!" cascade,
...And, I'm still replying to posts in the "It is an outbreak, we think" thread, but whatever;
...And, in a seemingly eurkhish way, not pleurkhing at all, but schpleurkhing slightly, just slightly, only a little bit,
...But this time I was sure I wasn't going to return (or not), but eventually I was sucked back in, only to read what
...And, quite idiotically,
...Or, quite stupider,
...And, in an attempt to overload news servers worldwide with useless, meanlingless, pointless bandwidth-wasting nonsense,
...And, I almost missed this too, where
...And, here I am again, pulled back into the cascade, reading what
...And yippee kay oh kay ay, you cascadin' eurkhers, because
...But I'm gonna flood every news server with these cascades now, ever since
...And yes, I know, I haven't been here in many days, but that's because iCi's crappy sucky stupid moronic useless crappy piece-of-junk news server crashed yet again. Ah, you don't care, you only care about my reply to what
...And, I've spent so much time cascading alt.stupidity that I didn't see all these posts that I almost nearly missed..!! Here's a perfect example, in which
...But I'm back again, stupidly, replying to what
...And, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? ...
...And, these posts will most likely disappear after iCi attempts another upgrade of the news server tonight, but what the hell...
...And, I'm back this time, really... and that's entirely why
...Or maybe simply because he/she/it wanted to post this,
...And, I came back to check what's going on again, and found this stupid piece of crap written by
...But now I'm reading what
...And, now that iCi's news server broke again and is fixed again,
...And I'm back again, twice in the same day... I don't why, but
...And I'm not even trying anymore, but here is a person who is:
...And I'm trying even less today than I was yesterday, but here is a person who still tenaciously hangs on to the notion that trying is necessary:
...But I haven't had a good attribution line in a long time, but
...And I return for yet another round of moronicy the likes of which you have never seen, only to find this written by
...Either iCi's server is finally working at 100% capacity, or you people are going in a posting spree the likes of which the world has never seen before... anyway,
...And it seems that that massive postcount yesterday on the iCi news server was nothing... anyway,
...And I'm back a second time to see if any more posts have trickled down to this news server, and here's one where
...And, it seems that someone wrote something.... and if that didn't happen, then someone ELSE most likely wrote something... and if even THAT didn't happen, well... then
...But I know there's got to be a post better than this one that I can read... nope, there isn't...
...And, to my surprise,
...But, to my surprise,
...Or, to my surprise,
...And to my surprise, but to my surprise, or to my surprise,
...And, or, but, for, why do I always write such stupid attribution lines like this, after
...And, I was here a few hours ago, and I think I missed this... no wait, this post was made after then... okay, nevermind. As always,
...And after reading through the latest disgruntled AOLer's postflood in alt.aol-sucks, I came here to read
...And, look here, I'm back again. I don't know why, but something just draws me back here to read all the stupid and pointless and useless junk that people write. Here is a perfect example, in which
...Or there's this you can read, where
...And this damned news server sort of died yesterday, but now I've come back to read what
...But if I reply to this, iCi's whole news server might crash and burn again... ah, what the hell. Anyway,
...And, as I was filtering through thousands of posts posted by the latest disgruntled AOLamer, I saw the one where
...And, as this post shows, UseNet has reached a new level of stupidity:
...And here's a post that proves there are people out there even stupider than me:
...But just because I have less time to read this junk, doesn't mean I'm not going to reply to the one that
...And it seems that in yet another one of my accidental prolonged absences,
...And, thee who wilst read this, know that
...But you must know that it's not REALLY
...And, and, and, and, and, and
...And, you know what?
...And, wow... I haven't been here in so long that all of my previous posts have expired or something...
...But I could've sworn I already read what
...And, whenever there's something stupid in UseNet, J'raxis will be there. Whenever someone's making an ass of themselves, J'raxis will be there. Whenever someone is flaming the clueless newbies, J'raxis will be there. And because J'raxis is here,
[Due to both the rapid downfall of iCi’s news server and a Usenet forgery bot that was impersonating J’raxis and several other people, his Usenet presence severely drops from this point on. Thus, there are several days or even weeks between each one of the following attribution lines.]
...And, someone claiming to be
...But despite the recent massive forgery of my identify by various idiots and/or bots, I am here to read what
...And I am STILL here, reading what
...But I can't think of a good attribution line; so, without comment, I'll just read what
...And the real J'raxis 270145 has mysteriously reappeared to read and ridicule what
...And look what I almost missed,
...And let it be known that
...And here I am making my nightly rounds in UseNet and I found out that
...And as iCi's bashir.ici.net news server finally goes into well-deserved retirement, J'raxis returns one last time to read what
[And then, J’raxis was gone…]